


Find Someone

by McKayRulez



Series: Spineven [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abandonment, Break Up Talk, Confusion, Developing Friendships, Friendship, Loneliness, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Other, Phobias, Post-Steven Universe: The Movie, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Separation Anxiety, Trauma, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 21:16:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20748890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKayRulez/pseuds/McKayRulez
Summary: Spinel has a hard time trying to find someone to hang out with.Steven and Connie have a realization about how the other feels about the other.





	1. Trying to be Found

Spinel gazed around the busy Little Homeworld main street. 

To her left, Bismuth was constructing new buildings, while Jasper used her strength to hold the walls in place, until they could be properly secured. Just beside them, Garnet was leaning cooly against a corner wall, arms crossed, and just leisurely enjoying existing. 

Down the street in front of Spinel, Peridot and Lapis where constructing strange looking objects out of junk to decorate the sidewalks and parks. 

To her right, a Padparadscha was.. Well, it looked like she was just standing there. Spinel wasn’t really sure what the little peach sapphire was doing to be honest. 

And finally behind her, the famethysts where play wrestling in an open clear field. 

There was so much activity and things to look at. It should make her excited right? So many people to play with! 

She just wished she could find someone who actually wanted her around.. 

After all the damage she caused, she didn’t exactly win over any friends over night… 

She turned to the sound of laughter, and watched the Amethysts tackling each other and having fun. They seemed to be the most enthusiastic about playing games with each other… However.. Their playing seemed a bit.. 

She watched one laugh and slap the other on the back so hard they face planted. 

Rough.. 

Usually, Spinel didn’t mind playing rough if needed, but right now she was more worried about accidentally breaking anyone or anything. She had done enough damage already, that the guilt was killing her.. She didn’t want to add to her misery by accident. 

She looked to the large muscular gems working. 

Building! Maybe that’s what she could do! Help fix all the things she broke would lift her heavily burdened consciousness, wouldn’t it? 

“Hello?” She called up to them uncertain, as she walked over. She extended her legs to get as high as the level they are currently on. “What’cha girls doing?”

“Hey Spinel. Just building a new floor section of rooms.” Bismuth answered, as she hammered the support beams. 

“Can I help?” 

“Uh..” Spinel sensed hesitation in her voice, as she stopped hammering. Her eyes wouldn’t look at her. “We’re fine actually.” 

They still didn’t trust her not to freak out suddenly and wreck the place. Spinel told herself. “You sure?.. I could hold things?” She suggested, thinking if they wouldn’t give her any tools that could be potentially used as a weapon, then she could at least just hold things instead. 

“Already got that covered.” Jasper answered, as she looked over at her from the wall she was propping up. 

“Oh.. Okay..” Spinel looked away. “Sorry for bothering you…” She mumbled quietly to herself. 

“Huh?” Bismuth questioned unable to make out what she said, as she had returned to hammering. 

“N-nothing, nevermind!” She said quickly and shrunk down to her original height. She looked at the ground sadly, then glanced to Garnet. She must be lonely all by herself! Spinel reasoned. Maybe she could use a friend! With once again hope in her step and a bounce in her pigtails, she went over to her. “Why are you all alone over here? Need a friend?” 

Garnet messed with her visor. “I’m never alone.” She said simply. 

“Oh…” Spinel gave a nervous laugh. “Right…” She blushed darkly and quickly turned away embarrassed, as she walked across the street. 

She heard Peridot complaining about something and turned her head to look. She bounded over to them curious. Peridot was on a ladder, fiddling with a bunch of junk. 

“What are you girls doing?” 

“Making meep morphs.” Peridot answered plainly, never looking away from her construction that she was building. 

“Meep morphs?” She questioned confused. 

“Works of art.” Lapis explained. “Want to help?” 

Something swelled in her gemstone at the offer. “How do I do it?” She bounced up and down, pigtails flailing and her shoes squeaking in excitement. 

“Just pick up some trash and glue, then make a statue. 

Dread slowly rolled over her. “Statue?” 

“Mine is of Lapis! Can’t you tell? Isn’t it perfect!?” Peridot gushed at her stature made of water bottles, blue paint, a wig and trash bags. 

Her heart plummeted as she did indeed see a gem resemblance to a still, statue of someone’s garbage. 

Things got too real. 

She turned around abruptly. Trying to hide how the dark thoughts where making her look as small pin pricks of tears in the corner of her eyes. “N-nevermind. I uh.. I got to go.” 

She left quickly, hearing Peridot talk behind her. “Did you see that! She was moved to tears by the beauty of it all!” 

Spinel didn’t want to try anymore. She didn’t think her heart could take it. She both wanted to be alone and desperately wanted to not be alone! The conundrum was tearing herself apart. 

She had nearly squeakily stomped past the tiny orange sapphire, but her stillness was eerily creepy enough that she stopped walked subconsciously. “H-hi…” She hazard a greeting. 

Nothing. 

Spinel blinked and after a long moment, went up to her and waved a gloved hand in front of her face. 

Still nothing. 

Spinel fought down the rising PTSD thoughts in her head, by trying to drown them out with questions. 

Maybe she couldn’t see her through her bangs in her face… Wait.. Did she even have an eye?.. 

Hmm.. Maybe she didn’t hear her the first time?.. 

Spinel cleared her throat. “Hello. I’m Spinel.” 

Another quiet pause. Spinel awkwardly stood beside her and relaxed. Okay. This isn’t so bad.. 

Besides the terror of motionless mannequins and still statues screaming in the back of her head, of course! 

Though, maybe she could finally have a friend that wasn’t pushing her away? If she didn’t demand anything of her or order her around than she wasn’t her property. So.. That was nice?.. 

Spinel frowned awkwardly and held out a hand next to her. “Nice to meet you?”

Still nothing. Okay. Either this was a really good meep morph statue or- 

Suddenly, Padparadscha spoke. “Oh! How sad! I foresee a lonely Spinel trying to find a friend and finding none!” 

Spinel froze. She felt like shattering herself, as she tensed and stared wide eyed at the little cutie, who turns out was a little demon in disguise. 

When she could finally fight the soul sucking numbness that held her in place, Spinel turned and started running away crying. 

In the distance, Padparadscha spoke again. “Hello! Nice to meet you too!” 

Spinel couldn’t see through her fingers and tears, as she ran covering her face, while she sobbed. 

“Spinel!” 

She felt something solid as she ran into something, causing them both to fall to the ground. 

She shook violently. Not wanting to see what else she had broken and fallen on top of. 

“Spinel?... What’s wrong?” 

It was Steven’s voice. So warm and concerned. 

Spinel’s trembling and cries increased. Steven wrapped his arms around her tightly. 

“I’m so stupid and defected!” Her mind screamed at her. “Not only do I have no one, but the one person that gave me a chance I had just ran over! So, so, stupid! What if he realizes I‘m not worth the trouble? That I’m was useless?!” 

“I’m an entertainment gem who can’t entertain anyone!” 

“A friend gem that no one wants as a friend!” 

I can’t find anyone who wants to be around me!” 

“I have no purpose!” 

“I’m NOTHING!” 

“That’s not true!” Steven insisted. 

Spinel froze. Wait.. Did she say that stuff out loud?.. Or.. Or was a Pink power to her a gems thoughts? Either way she knew it didn’t matter. Her happy, ‘I’m doing better’ facade was finally found out. It was all an act to make people not worry. 

“You just need to find someone who wants to be with you for you, like I do.” 

“Steven.” She huffed. I tri-.” She stopped and her wet eyes widened. “Wait.. You..” She craned her neck up so she could look at his face. “You do?” 

He smiled down at her. “Yeah. I do.” He tilted his head still smiling. “I was just going to go to the movies with Connie. Do you want to come with us? Then we can hang out more after?” 

“Uh..” Her thoughts felt numb and her world was spinning. She didn’t know what ‘the movies’ was, but it didn’t matter. 

Her Gem heart chest felt like it was glowing. 

“Y-yeah.” She forced out through the emotional haze. “I’d like that.” 

“Then it’s a date.” He chuckled cutely, making her cheeks burn at how adorable he was. He pushed himself out from under her and off the ground. He reached down and offered a hand to help her up. 

“What’s ‘The movie’?” She asked, curious, as she latched herself to his arm while they walked. 

“Oh, it’s called, “Cinabarella”.” He smiled sweetly at her. “I think you’ll like it.”

I’d like anything with you. She thought quietly to herself, smiling brightly back at him.


	2. First Date

Connie eyed the pink gem with annoyed skepticism. 

Spinel was always hanging onto Steven’s arm, everywhere he went. Seriously! Even when she wasn’t desperately clinging to him like he was the only being that mattered in the whole universe, she was literally in his pocket, like a paper weight! 

This was supposed to be her time alone with Steven. She had asked him to go with her to the movies with her as their first date! ...Or at least, that was what she had in mind when she invited him… 

She had thought the kiss on his cheek, before she had left for Space Camp three months ago would have clued Steven in on her intentions.. It was the first move for their relationship since.. Well.. Since Steven hadn’t made any attempts himself with her. 

Knowing how sweet and considerate a guy like Steven was, she thought maybe she had to make the first move, in case he was too worried about overstepping boundaries or something..

Though now that she thought about it.. That was a while ago.. Could he have forgotten?.. Or?.. Or did he think it was just a goodbye kiss between really close friends?.. 

Maybe she should have made the fact this was a movie date more clear. 

She felt a sinking feeling in her chest as she watched the two interacting. He was looking at Spinel, who was making cartoony expressions while whispering something in his ear, followed by the two giggling to each other. 

Would he have even come if he knew it was a date?.. Would he have said.. No?.. 

The thought hurt her heart. 

She shook the feeling away. Speculating would get her nowhere. Only action revealed results. 

“Steven..” Connie’s eyes drifted away, trying to think of how to put this delicately. “I invited you.” 

“Yeah?” Steven slowly looked up from Spinel to Connie, unsure why she was telling him the obvious. 

Connie looked back at them both and her frown deepened. She placed her hand on Steven’s other arm, causing his expression to change to concern. 

She was frowning? Why was she frowning? He wondered. “What?” 

The pink gem’s eyes were staring hard into her now, as soon as she noticed her touch him. 

“I meant for this to be a date.” 

He stared blankly at her. “Huh?” 

Connie stepped into his space in front of him and kissed him. He froze against her unmoving. 

Spinel peered between them and watched them both fascinated. There was a heavy feeling in her gemstone or jealousy that she remembered having for Pink’s other toys, but right now she was too distracted with trying to figure out what the two were doing to really let those feelings consume her. 

Connie stepped back awkwardly when he didn’t respond to the kiss like she had hoped. 

When she removed her lips, he gaped at her. 

“Steven?” 

“You’re-” He wasn’t sure how to process all of this. He was so confused. 

“I’m what?” 

“You’re a girl!” He suddenly blurted out. 

“Geeze, thanks for finally noticing, Universe.” Connie teased. 

“No, I mean..” Steven’s eyes wavered side to side lost in thought. He wasn’t sure how to explain his confusion. 

Sapphire and Ruby’s love. Pearl and her obsession with Rose. The Diamonds close nit family. Jasper and her love for being abused by Lapis. Amethyst and Peridot’s closeness. Peridot and Lapis’ relationship. 

Nearly all of the girls in his life either ended up with or crushed on other girls! It never occurred to him a girl would like him like that. Let alone Connie! She was.. She was like Amethyst.. Like a sister! 

The few relationships between opposite genders he had seen where always terrible! 

Lars and Saddie’s relationship had been toxic, and Lars had always used her back when he wasn’t so great, before he became Pink Lars and grew as a better person. His dad and mom’s relationship might have been better, even if she kept secrets from him, but in the end she died and left his dad for his creation! The only other one worth noting was Kevin and his weird competitive love/hate relationship with Stevonnie that creeped him out. 

“Well?” Connie cut off his rattled thoughts and crossed her arms waiting. 

He looked up at her wide eyed. “You’re.. You’re my best friend.” This made her smile. “You’re like a sister to me.” This, did not. 

Connie’s instant reaction looked as if Steven had physically hurt her. It made him wince and feel awful in his gut. He wonders if he should have said something else, but he could never lie to Connie about anything. 

“What’s a sister?” Spinel asked quietly confused. 

Connie looked at the ground shaking slightly. 

“Connie.” He reached out to lay a sympathetic hand on her shoulder but she jerked herself out of the way from his touch. 

“Don’t!” She quickly and loudly ordered. 

Steven flinched as if her word slapped him, and backed his hand away. 

She lowered her voice feeling guilty for scaring him and looked away, feeling tears start to fall. “Just don’t.” At the same time she told herself she shouldn’t feel that way. She should be angry, shouldn’t she? All that time spent together? Did it really not mean as much to him as it did her? ‘Sister?’ She wanted to scream. 

Intense guilt filled Steven’s chest. “I didn’t mean to-” 

She cut him off with an angry glare. “What!? Didn’t meant to lead me on!?” She snapped. 

His voice broke and he felt his own tears for hurting someone he cared so much about. “I didn’t know.”

She cringed and turned away and stormed off. 

“Connie! Wait!” Steven reached out, then abruptly closed his hand and dropped it to her side, remembering she didn’t want to be touched. He wanted to run after her and say… And say what?.. He didn’t know what he could say to make this better. He gulped and watched her go. 

Spinel held onto his arm. She didn’t admit it out loud, but she was kind of glad the other human was gone. She was hurting Steven in someway Spinel couldn’t make sense of, but at the same time she didn’t like what her absence was doing to Steven either, as his body and breath trembled and he lowered his head like he was about to cry. 

“Hey..” Spinel’s voice was soft and quiet, as if worried if it was loud enough, he might break. “Are you okay?” 

His breath hitched, and his chest shuddered. He had just broke the heart of his best friend and possibly lost her forever. He was definitely not okay. He began to sob. 

Okay.. So that’s a ‘no’. Spinel decided. “How about that movie?” She offered as a distraction. 

He shook his head and used his free arm to rub away the tears. He sniffled. “It’s too late now. It would have started already.” He mumbled between sobs. Besides, even if it wasn’t he was in no mood to see a movie now. If he couldn’t make it up to Connie, since she needed her very justified space away from him right now, then he wanted to curl up in bed and die. 

The two walked back to the beach house. Spinel said nothing, just let him cry. She might not understand exactly what happened just now, but she knew very well what it was like to be abandoned. She figured the best medicine was contact with another individual. She could be useful in that regard.

When they got to his room and his sobbing intensifies against his pillow, she reluctantly took a seat beside his head on the end of his bed, and stroked his hair. 

When his sobs began to stutter and he leaned more into her gentle touch, she pulled him into her lap embracing him. 

His friend may have rejected him, like the other gems rejected her, but at least they have each other, she thought to herself.


End file.
